Story of Ben Read online

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  On the following Saturday, Maggie sat on the patio outside the kitchen door, sipping her coffee and watching two hummingbirds flutter around the blossoms in the garden. Ben came up the road about his usual time. As he neared the house, Maggie motioned to him. Ben walked over to the gate. They chatted for a few minutes. This time he seemed a little less hesitant, and a little more friendly.

  Maggie decided to invite him in. " How about some breakfast?" She asked.

  Ben said "Thank you," and followed her into the house.

  When they entered the kitchen Maggie motioned for Ben to sit at the table on the side adjacent to hers, from which she commanded a view toward the garden. Ben felt comfortable in the brightly lit room. The decorations were simple but tasteful. He was slowly examining the table settings when Bitty entered the room and approached him cautiously from the side.

  Ben turned slightly and leaned forward. He smiled warmly and said, "And who might you be?"

  "Bitty." was her reply. Ben raised his eyebrows. Bitty was instantly smitten by his demeanor, and she chuckled.

  Ben turned toward Maggie, but before he made eye contact he repeated the name softly, as if only to himself. "Bitty." He had never heard this as a name before. Then he looked at Maggie. She smiled. He raised his head slowly, brought his right hand to his mouth, still contemplating this. He was greatly amused and speechless. He looked up at the ceiling and repeated it again, louder this time, "Bitty," he said again. Maggie and Bitty exchanged puzzled glances. Then Ben looked down at the child who now clasped here hands over her smiling face in front of him - her eyes darting back and fourth between Ben and her mother.

  With an exuberant voice and tears welling up in his eyes, Ben broke into a smile and joyfully exclaimed "Bitty!" Bitty laughed out loud. Maggie just shook her head, smiling, but not understanding. Ben reached out his arms and Bitty responded. Ben hugged her and a tear nearly fell from his right eye. Then he let go, smiled at Bitty, and said it softly, "Bitty."

  Ben recomposed himself, wiped his eyes with his fingers, and turned back toward Maggie. Maggie looked at Ben. When their eyes met she said, "Are you alright?"

  "I'm fine," he replied. "I haven't felt that...way...since... I can't remember." Maggie sat silently. Ben breathed in deeply and continued. "I've had a burden...I - I lost a child many years ago."

  Maggie covered her mouth with her right hand, and said quietly, "Of course. . ." Then she leaned forward, looked at Ben directly and said softly, "You're Dr. Warren."

  Ben sat motionless, starring at the table, then nodded affirmatively. Maggie didn't know what to say. She felt a little awkward.

  "Yep," he began slowly, "That's me."

  Maggie opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, Ben said, "I'll tell you about it." He looked down at Bitty, stroked her hair and smiled. Bitty's smile had never left her.

  "You don't need to . . . ," Maggie started. But Ben raised his hand quickly to interrupt her.

  "Bitty," said Maggie, "Why don't you go see if the mail came yet?" Bitty looked up at her new friend. Ben smiled and nodded. Bitty skipped out of the kitchen toward the front door, still feeling the warmth of Ben's hug.

  When they were alone Ben began, "The boating incident was a terrible thing. . .I'll never get over it." Ben placed his right elbow on the table and rested his forehead on his hand. Staring downward he drew a breath and said, "It was an accident that took her, but it was my mistake that caused it." Maggie listened intently. "Mindy, my daughter, and I loved sailing together," he continued. "My wife Sheryl - she didn't care for it. Mindy was already a good swimmer at eight. Even so, she always wore a life vest. I took her with me regularly. I figured we would be alright sailing along the coast - not too far from shore. We did it many times. We had a beautiful boat. Twenty-eight feet, sloop rig - two sails," Ben added, not knowing if Maggie was familiar with sailboats. "That day..., that day, it was a little more windy than usual, but not really too bad. There was a gust now and then. When we untied and left the marina, it was beautiful. Heading out past the break wall we caught a stiff breeze, and the Ginny Lee - that's what we called her - heeled over about thirty degrees. He motioned with his hand, "and we were cruising." I still remember Mindy's smile, and the low pitched hum the Ginny Lee made when we were moving fast through the water." Ben raised his head and stared out the front window. "It was such a beautiful day." He turned and looked at Maggie and said, "She was so happy."

  "What happened?" Maggie asked.

  Ben continued. "The wind started to pick up. We had sailed about four miles north of the Marina. We came about - that is, we turned around by first turning into the wind and then to the direction we wanted to go - to avoid being knocked down. We started sailing back toward the marina. On the way back, the swells. . ." again he motioned with his hand, "had grown. We were sailing pretty much due south and the swells were moving west to east. It made the boat begin to roll, first to the left, then to the right, as the swells crossed our path. Mindy and I started laughing," he smiled as he recollected. "But then," he said as the smile left his face and he drew a breath. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, then went on, "I went a little too far south before turning toward the channel into the marina." He looked up at the ceiling. Then looking back down he said, "Without thinking, I turned the boat left to go back toward the entrance. But the wind had changed some. It was behind us now and when I turned, a gust caught the sail, and blew it across the boat to the right. I was still holding the tiller for the turn. But before I knew it, we were knocked clear over and the sail was in the water." He paused. "Mindy had tumble in. . ." Ben started to choke up, "I heard her scream once. I could tell she had water in her mouth from the sound of her voice. Somehow she got under the sail. . . it was laying on the water. . . she couldn't get back to the surface." Ben put his forehead back on his hand.

  "Did you go in after her?" Maggie asked.

  "I went in," Ben replied. "I got under the sail and almost got to her, but I had to get back out to get another breath. I got to her on the second try. I could barely get her out from under the sail. She wasn't breathing. I tried giving her mouth to mouth while we were still in the water, but with the movement of the boat and the rigging on the swells, it was so hard. . . .it was so hard."

  After waiting a few seconds Maggie asked, "How did you get back?"

  "Someone in a power boat saw us go over. They got there within minutes." he said. "But it was too late. . . . It was just too late." he repeated.

  "I'm so sorry." Maggie said.

  Ben looked at the floor and slowly nodded his appreciation. Then he looked up at Maggie. "I haven't spoken with anyone about it in a long time."

  " I remember reading about it," Maggie went on, "It's been five years hasn't it?"

  "Six." Ben replied.

  "How did your wife take it?"

  "She did better than I. But eventually, she tired of consoling a grief and guilt ridden person who no longer functioned normally. My practice suffered also. Eventually she left." Ben looked out at the sky and continued, "Who could blame her?"

  As Ben stared out the window he saw Bitty in the garden. He forced a smile and said, "I'd better be going." Then he looked back at Maggie and smiled. She pressed her lips together and smiled back, feeling sorry for his pain.

  As Ben reached the door, Maggie, still sitting said, "Ben - I'm so sorry. . ."

  Ben paused in the doorway, and without looking back, raised his right hand over his left shoulder to stop her, and gave quick nod that told her he was alright. Then he stepped outside.

  Maggie got up and walked to the door.

  As Ben crossed the flower garden, he saw Bitty over by the roses. "Good-bye Ben" she said softly as she smiled and waved. Ben smiled back, and blew her a kiss.

  Seeing this, Maggie seized the moment and said, "Breakfast next Saturday?" loud enough for Ben to hear.


  Ben turned his head back far enough to see Maggie from the corner of his eye, and nodded "Yes."